I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
did i just pee glitter
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
