apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
