This girl is more easily done than said...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
