You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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