yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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