I was born with a shot glass in my hand
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
