jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
