I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
