just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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