I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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