Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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