I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
