Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
