um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
