She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
