Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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