apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
