Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
