bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize