You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
