I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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