My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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