Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
