Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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