Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
