i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
