I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
