I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My pussy is not your playground.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
