never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
