Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
