does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
