the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
