Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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