I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
