Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
