That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
