You were right. It hurts to walk today.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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