I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
