it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
