Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
