jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
