It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
