he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
