somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
