I CAN MOONWALK!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
