in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
