I faked an abortion last night.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
