cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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