she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
