I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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