Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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