I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
