I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
