I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
