So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
