Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
