i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
