Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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