i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
