why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
