Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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