Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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