Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
