My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come share oat with me in your robe
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
