Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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