he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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