don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
