Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
