I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
