On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
