is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
