Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
