My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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